My Mr. Not so Perfect.

there he was. the man my parents dreamed of. smart, rich, hard working , good morals, and same ethnicity as us. it was as if my parents had called a manufacturer and asked for him to be delivered. and of course this meant my parents really tried to get us together. i have to admit the guy wasn't bad looking, he was actually really cute and charming. the only issue was that i was not even remotely attracted him, being that i am gay. well my parents don't know that so all they could think of was pushing me towards him. little did they know this man was not so perfect. he had this great image going on. but when everyone left and it was just us, that was when the real him came to play. he knew what "girls liked" so he tried everything to seduce me. i of course would not give in to his advances. but he would definitely not take no for an answer and if he wasn't going to get what he wanted the easy way he was gonna take it the hard way. in fact it turned him on even more. So by force he took what was mine and made it his. He turned my body into his favorite chew toy and decided he would play with me whenever he wanted, even if this meant during school, on the bus, or while he was driving. He didn’t care if was going to get caught all he cared about was getting what he loved so much and getting out. I tried so hard to get out of his grasp but my parents loved him so much that just mentioning his name granted me permission to go where I “pleased” even if that meant him picking me up with strangers to be with even more strangers. Obviously he ignored I existed until everyone was gone or we were alone in a dark room. He knew my parents loved him and he used this to his advantage. He loved to play with the fact that my parents loved him and that he could take me when he pleased. And when he didn’t want me he disappeared. And not just for a couple of days. He would leave, vanish for months on end. I later learned that these months he wasn’t abusing me he was fucking some other poor girl, or maybe not so poor girl. He told me boldly to my face “I was fucking some chick the other night” as if I wanted to know what disease he was going to give me next. I despised him and I wanted him dead. But I knew that having him around meant my parents were nowhere near suspecting what I was really interested in. except I always wished that somehow this relationship would exist without me having to tear a piece of my soul and dignity and hand it over to him. This relationship however went on for years. He threatened to expose me to the world ( he still doesn’t know that I’m gay). he threatened to prove to the world what a slut I was. What a disgusting sloppy whore I could be. He threatened to let other guys know I was amazing and have them do to me what he enjoyed so many times. This angered me because of course none of it was true, I was not a slut or a sloppy whore who enjoyed to do things to guys that would have them hooked. In reality I was completely pure before meeting him. It was because of him that I was doing what I was doing and not as you might think because I enjoyed it. He didn’t think to let everyone know that he was in fact abusing me not only sexually, but also physically mentally and emotionally. I was a complete wreck over some idiot who stepped into my life pretending to be the “man of my dreams”. Fortunately he ended his game with me without telling too many people of how much he enjoyed me and recommending they try to do the same. He vanished out of my life for a girl. But to my dismay not to long ago he reappeared claiming to be sorry for how he acted and promising me he would never leave me. Little does he know that what I want the most is for him to stay out my life and out of my way because I will surrender to him again I know it. Unwillingly I will become his plaything once more again only to distract my parents. I guess it would have been much easier to just tell my parents how I really feel. This would have at least spared me my virginity and my dignity. But its no use to regret things in life. because no matter how hard you regret it, it will not change, it will not disappear, it will not erase itself. Instead I have to live with the fact that I messed up big time, costing me my virginity, dignity, soul, and health, things that I could probably never get back.